Happy Spring… a little late! I truly hope this season brings you joy and care and support and rest.
I am currently on my last few days of spring break. I have never needed a spring break like I have this year. I am burnt… completely. I don’t even know if I can go back on Monday because I am still so tired and incapable of producing much of anything, but this too shall pass.
How have I spent my spring break? Sleeping, reading (1, 2, 3), and cleaning. This post is about spring cleaning and Hestia.
I am still in the process of getting through Goddess in Everywoman. I am currently waiting again on hold for it. I am reading it with my eyes (rather than my ears), and it takes me a while because it’s non fiction, and I don’t always have the energy to engage with it. I left off on the chapter about Hestia. Hestia if you are not familiar is the goddess of the hearth (domestic tasks and there’s a deep sense of divine femininity and power through these tasks). She was overtaken in the Greek culture by Dionysus.
It struck a chord with me and how much I am not a Hestia. I am not a quiet, invisible person. I am anxious and shy, but I have had to learn to assert myself and insert myself otherwise I won’t get a seat at the table… because I am shy and anxious. I don’t have the book so I can’t give you a direct quote, but something that struck me as well was this spiritual aspect of cleaning that the Hestia archetype has. Cleaning for the Hestia archetype is spiritual, not rushed, not anything except meditative. It is a way of honoring themselves and their home as a sacred space.
I am not that girlie. I am just not. I am the ADHD doom pile goblin who has to wait until the dopamine is high enough to actually attempt the task, but I did it this week. I cleaned, and I mean cleaned.
I deep cleaned almost every space of my apartment with the exception of my closets because I have run out of dopamine and energy. But I was on the floor for hours deep cleaning altars and shelves, cabinets and cupboards, removing and organizing, and removing and reorganizing. I wanted it to be so much more spiritual than it was. I wanted the moments to feel like meditation, like liberation, like connection. They did not.
My body was exhausted, shaking and desperate to lie down. There were multiple times where I collapsed in bed for a few hours because I was so drained that I couldn’t move, and I’d get up absolutely ravenous. I did this for 2 straight days all the while trying to connect with what I’d read as I simultaneously asked myself why I hated myself so much.
And you know… the more I think of it… that is a spiritual moment.
Spiritual moments of change, release, growth, I have found, often leave us exhausted, shaking, ready for nourishment afterwards. You know those tarot reading, long crystal work sessions, or those energy work session that leave you drained and unconscious for a while? That’s what this felt like. I was getting rid of stagnant and built up energy that had been in some of these nooks and crannies for almost 4 years. Why so long? I truly have nothing of Hestia in me.
I’ve talked about this before, but I despise cleaning. It is a task that my ND brain breaks down into a million increments. Cleaning the kitchen isn’t dishes, counters, floor. It’s each and every pieces of silverware, crumb, and motion my arm has to make. My brain breaks cleaning down into so many tasks that I often can’t task initiate because my brain has coded it as taking too long and automatically too exhausting. Do my surface level cleanings in reality only take 15-20 minutes? Yes, but my brain codes that as closer to 3 hours.
I am living for the energy in my apartment right now. I cleaned with the windows open. I cleaned with scents that make my brain happy and that don’t trigger childhood trauma. I cleaned with the intention of “get through this. It’ll be worth it.” I want to remember this, even through the exhaustion of the energy and peace that I’ve felt.
I am ready for the executive functioning of cleaning to take hold on my brain. I am ready to know that the end result will be worth it even if I am left shaking with exhaustion from the release of it all. I am ready for it to become a more deeply connected part of my spiritual practice.
Cleaning has always been hard for me. I have tried every method in the world to try and get my brain to cooperate. Part of it is the issues I have with task initiation. The other parts are healing from the trauma of growing up in literal squalor, dead mice in my bed, the inability to use the oven and stove due to mouse feces creating noxious gases when we’d turn it on, not having clean clothes for 6-7 months of the year. Ok, literal squalor.
I have had to learn and learn and learn again about cleaning, caring for my environment because -I- deserve cleanliness and safety. It has not come naturally to me, and as soon as any mental health crisis starts, the maintenance stops. I am hoping that connecting cleaning to a more spiritual mindset will help me stay more consistent because even though I am not living in such a nasty state anymore, I want deep cleaning to happen more often… such as on the dark moon, especially when it falls on the weekend.
What are you looking to incorporate into your spiritual practices right now? What is your plan to stay true to these intentions? I’d love to hear below!
Wishing you well this week! May your life offer what you need in this moment.
With love,
Aventurine ✨
I haven't gotten the spring cleaning inspiration yet, but I did manage to clean my Keurig which is a big win! A while ago I read the book How To Keep House While Drowning and it helped me feel better about my struggle to keep my house pristine and magazine worthy. Thank you for sharing 💜
I love that you brought up Hestia bc her counterpart Vesta has been coming up for me a lot more recently and focusing more on sacred and spiritual practice (as well as types of devotion). And I find this wholly relatable. Thank you for sharing this!