Nine of Cups: Healing Success Amnesia

Tarot Chat

May 05, 2025

Welcome back to another Tarot Chat!

Three things happened within a day or so of each other. I learned about this new-to-me term that I very strongly relate to called Success Amnesia. I applied for a couple of jobs, one of which I think I will be amazing at. I just need the opportunity to prove myself. That same day, I pulled the Nine of Cups. All of this together gave me a new appreciation for the Nine of Cups… and for myself.

Success amnesia is essentially the ADHD tendency to forget or significantly downplay one’s accomplishments. I have seen that in myself every single time I have accomplished anything of significance. I made the distinction of significance because if it doesn’t matter, I will be OBNOXIOUSLY proud of myself.

I think of every degree and certificate I have received. I haven’t gone to a single graduation since high school, and I only went to that because I thought they wouldn’t give me my diploma. Y’all. I would have skipped it so damn fast! Every degree and professional certificate I have has been put on timeout since I got it because it doesn’t count as anything to be proud of. If I did it, then it must not have been important or hard. Like, obvs if I can do it, anyone can do it. I went to school, worked 45 hour weeks, and took care of my terminally ill partner. Eh. No biggie. Obviously, I didn’t deserve any form of praise. Get the gist here?

Fast forward a day or two, and I am applying for jobs at a school that has some of the highest turnover that I have ever seen in my life. This school has new positions open every month. People leave monthly. Here’s the thing though… one of those jobs? I think I can do it. I think I can do it well… like REALLY, REALLY well. It plays into all of my strengths and interests while minimizing my weaknesses (interpersonal skills 🤓).

It wasn’t until I pulled the Nine of Cups, which felt so much like confirmation that I had made the right choice in applying that I realized: I AM capable. I AM deserving. I AM allowed to be proud of myself and acknowledge my accomplishments. I specifically pulled the card above with the peacock. This card has changed my understanding of the Nine of Cups.

I have always seen the Nine of Cups as another gratitude card. Things have happened, your ducks are in a row, and you are gratefully content. I’ve never really experienced depth from the card before… until I applied for that job (which cross your fingers for me? I know the school is rough, but the job itself seems awesome).

That peacock and the knew found term of success amnesia really made me become aware that all of those cups in a row, all of those ducks in a row came from me. I have put in the hard work. I have been the one DOING, not just receiving.

I also realized that I can still be a humble and grateful person while still acknowledging the FACT, the completely objective fact, that I have accomplishments, and it is ok to state them. I have graduated 4 times in my life. I do have 3 degrees and 2 professional certificates. I have taken care of a terminally ill partner while balancing way more than most people. I have left unhealthy relationships to save myself AND them. I have worked places that most people would never consider because I DO have the grit and resilience to endure. I have healed so much and still have so much to do. These are facts. These are things that have happened and many of them were HARD and EXHAUSTING. I can acknowledge that they are successes and accomplishments.

But it took until 5/3/2025 to really, really know and understand. Now this card isn’t just about being put together for me. This card is about leaning into truth, into the emotional acknowledgement, the emotional and physical embodiment of knowing that what I have done is valid, is valuable, is worthy of celebration or at the very least acknowledgement. I don’t need to play the small, humble woman just because I was raised that way at school. I can be humble and still know my worth. I will never read this card in the same way again, and I think this is one of my most favorite things about tarot: I am ALWAYS learning. I am forever the Page of Swords.

These revelations may not be revelations for you, and that’s ok. In fact, I am happy for you that you aren’t 36 and trying to figure out if your life has any worth at all. If you are like me, and you do have a really hard time with accomplishment, you are worthy of celebration, of pride, of talking up factual strengths. I’m proud of you. I hope you are proud of you too.

I actually already discussed this post over in the Discord for May. We are doing a FREE 2-week group coaching session from 5/15-5/31. Come join us! Until the 15th, I am posting occasionally for the people who have joined up early.

Let me know how you interpret the Nine of Cups. Are we close on our interpretations? Also, if you have ADHD is Success Amnesia a side effect you suffer? Is this a term you’ve heard of before today?

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