Time Is Running Out...

Or that's how it feels with ADHD

Frances matches my new sweater!

Good morning and happy Monday! The Solar Eclipse in Libra happens on Wednesday. Our Persephone’s Descent group begins tomorrow. Today is the last day to get Persephone’s Descent for $50 instead of $60. All you need to do is sign up on the Google Form (this allows me to track addresses and fulfillment for shipping) and choose a payment method: PayPal, Venmo, CashApp. If you’d prefer to pay with Zelle, let me know, and we can work that out, too.

Ok, now that I am done promoting (thank you to those who have signed up! You have covered the cost of food this week), I do want to talk about time and the increasingly fast clip at which is passes.

This is a fairly personal piece. Try to read it through the lens I have written it which is, “language only expresses so much. I am not trying to be conceited but instead express a lifelong pattern in my life.”

While I do have ADHD and that can mess with the perception of time, and I am almost 36 and age ALSO messes with the perception of time, I have noticed something else, something more fundamentally written in the stars about endings and beginnings for me. I never know how long I have with anything/anywhere because the energy of a Scorpio Stellium is The Tower and Death.

Not only do I have that Pluto in Scorpio and Scorpio stellium, both of my first and middle names mean reborn or rebirth, however you want to think of it. This is an energy that I have felt for a very long time, but I didn’t connect the dots until the last few years, and I only found out about my middle name’s meaning about two weeks ago.

I am a creature of comfort, of habit, of structure and consistency. In my life, I have only ever wanted a single job and a place to live forever. I have never been interested in all of the hopping around that I have done, and compared to many people, I’ve barely hopped at all.

Every time I feel like I am in a place for good, I notice that the structures around me fall and crumble. The principal’s true ineptitude shines through. The program director becomes absolutely feral and psychotic. People begin dropping like flies from jobs as the dysfunction grows and grows. Financial hardships manifest as I walk through bringing to light the already shaky foundation. People’s trauma comes to light. I’ve watched people spiral upon meeting me. Others heal immensely if they are ready for transformational conversations and action.

While I am learning not to blame myself for these things, because ultimately, I am not the cause, I do sometimes sit and have a think about it. I look at the patterns. I look at myself, and sometimes, I can’t but help and see myself as a destroyer, a ruiner. The energy of my names and my chart are intense, and I know that. I know that they aren’t even as intense as many others, but because of my strong Aries placements alongside my Scorpio placements, action seems to happen more than those with stronger airy energies.

Seeing myself as such negative (albeit powerful) descriptors has made it hard for me to feel ok being with others sometimes. I’ve begun to process other wording around it, and I think I feel more like a catalyst for structural and foundational change. We cannot build anything on shaky foundations. The Tower must fall. The foundation must be rebuilt if we are to (re)birth that which we wish to manifest.

Due to this pattern of being a catalyst for structural and foundational change, I often come to this feeling of time running out. I never know how much time I have when I enter a space or place. So far, I have gotten 3 years. That’s the longest I’ve ever worked anywhere. 3 years. I also feel that way about my interests and my relationships. I just never know, and part of that, again, is ADHD. The other part seems to be written in the stars above.

Being so energetically connected to death, The Underworld, transition, and change is not ever where I have identified. I have always wanted to be that ethereal being, cute and lovely. But y’all? Every goddess I work with, who has joined me is a goddess of the night and/or underworld. The Morrigan: Phantom Queen, Goddess of War, Hekate: Goddess of magic and ghosts and witchcraft whose abode is in The Underworld (and deep ocean), Persephone: Queen of Hades, Goddess of Spring (see why I we have such a deep connection? That duality of light and dark), Artemis: Huntress of The Moon.

I am not upset about any of this anymore. I was even up to like 3 weeks ago because I was lamenting the loss of another workplace. Now though? Acceptance. I take this knowledge and see the patterns. With this wisdom, I am better able to hone in my abilities to be a helpful catalyst and to hopefully help hold others’ hands as they descend into their own underworld.

As I said at the beginning of this little love letter, I am not trying to be self absorbed or egotistical, nor do I feel like I have superpowers. This topic is just something that is a pattern within my life. Please read this with a tone of humbleness and humility rather than prideful supervillain. English is a complex language, but it is not quite complex enough to always get across deep feelings and observations.

And now for the fun part: do you know your name(s)’s meaning(s)? Do you notice a connection between your birth chart and your name(s)? Have you noticed any patterns that come from the meaning or energy of your name(s)? I love this stuff so definitely comment if this resonates!

Wishing you well this week! May your life offer what you need in this moment.

With love,

Aventurine ✨