The Magic of Touch

Experiencing the energy that passes between others.

Co-regulation through comforting, yet simple touch.

This love letter came to me as I was reading Walking with Persephone. Molly Remer talks about how intimate it is to be held by friends, by people outside of the normal “touch routine.” She says,

It is surprisingly personal and intimate to be handled so gently by our friends. I am surprised by the tender feelings I experience when being the recipient of touch and in giving touch to others.

This small passage had me covered in goosebumps because yes! I have always experienced a jolt of goosebumps at a minimum to a sensation of needing to hurl and sob at a maximum when it comes to intimate and personal touch. I do not even need to be the recipient. I just need to be witness to the energy exchange.

Part of my daily life is co-regulating students through brushing, deep pressure, light touch, etc depending on the need of the child. This also means that others in my room are doing the same thing. When the intention of the adult is kind, compassionate, caring, and the regulation strategy is working, I often have to turn around as my body lights up with their combined energies of giving and receiving care. I have had to hold back tears, hold back from dry heaving, and have had to find my body in more intense moments of care in my classroom. The sensation is overwhelming to say the least, but it is something that I have always experienced.

When the girls in elementary school would do the hair play or back tickling trains, I would be overwhelmed by the sight and the energy coming off of that train. I had no idea what was happening just that I had to look away because it was too much.

When my grad school marigold practiced something similar to Reiki on some mean girl classmate, I watched, and I felt sick for days. As she cleared out stagnant energy from this girl, that heavy energy came straight to me. I was dissociated and barely able to stand for 3 days. Watching with curiosity opened me up to the tender care that was being given in the moment (full body chills, a feeling of being lulled out of my body), and then after I was sick from the other girl’s energy just wafting through the common room. It would be another 3-4 years before I began my daily protection practice.

Working in the classrooms I work in has opened me up to really seeing the value, the necessity of being able to co-regulate through physical touch with others. There are times that I need this type of regulation, and I ask my partners to help me via a massage, back tickles, a tight hug, etc. There are times when my partners need such things, and it is easy to fall into the energy of caregiver in that way. I can slow my breathing, calm my heartbeat, and calm my energy to a serene state and send that slowness and intention to the recipient. I am in full control of my sensations, energy, reactions when I am actively involved in the energy exchange of touch. It is when I am witnessing these tenders acts that I begin to come undone.

My partner’s sister is licensed to do massage where she lives, but she is far more sensitive to energy than I am, and she hasn’t yet begun protecting herself from others’ energies. She has made the decision to not do massage professionally. It is just an interest and passion for her that she loves to explore. I did not understand her decision for a long time, but after realizing how sensitive I am to others’ exchanges, I finally understand where she is coming from. She is going to feel her client’s energy well after that client as left her massage table, and if there is a bunch of pain and stagnancy, that is going to mingle with her energy and her body.

I have had this dream… this wish to join one of those spiritual retreats in a far off place for a few years. I have just wondered what it is like, what it would be like to experience community in such a way, to be adventurous in this way, and now that I am processing, really processing the reality, I am not sure that I could do it without being incredibly ill and out of my body. As magical as it all sounds, I am not sure that my body could handle watching, interpreting, experiencing so much energy exchange via touch. I wonder what it would take for me to cope during and after such an event.

Washing my hands, taking a shower (I begrudgingly admit this because I hate showers), and other cleanses through water have always been helpful in at least a small way, especially when doing visualizations of the energy pouring off of me and into the drain. Hand washing is what my marigold made me do on day 3 in grad school. I had been so sick for so long, and she made me go to the bathroom and just stand there with water running over my hands until I could feel my body again. Outside of water cleansing, I am not sure… I probably won’t ever attend a retreat like that, but I am a dreamer at heart, and I will always imagine far off experiences just in case.

When I describe the sensations I feel to others, most don’t have an idea of what I am talking about or experiencing. Sometimes it’s as small as goosebumps and an overwhelming sensation of warmth, and other times it’s debilitating. Have any of you experienced anything like this? Was it a one off thing, a more consistent experience? How have you coped with similar experiences?

Wishing you well this week! May your life offer what you need in this moment.

With love,

Aventurine ✨