Self Care As Socialization
Febraury Lesson
February, I am realizing, is an especially difficult month for me, and honestly, that makes sense. It has the highest number of psychiatric/mental health needs inpatient check-ins, more than any other month. October has the highest outpatient check-ins. Fact check: my therapist. This may be different where you are, but where I am, that’s apparently the case.
I am finally catching on to a pattern. I have absolutely no chill in February. This is the month that I will fly off the handle for no reason other than someone was slightly too loud, the fridge door won’t stay closed, they didn’t have my favorite thing at the grocery. Truly, I have no chill in February. It is making me reconsider my entire approach to working next year. I plan on taking a day off each week in February and in April and May next year. Mental health days are a thing, and I need them especially during these full months without any additional days off.
Self care has looked a little different for me this month. I have been doing a lot more socializing. Normally, my self-care routine is spending time up at The Butte or spending time with my decks and journals. This month has been a lot of socializing, and it has been wonderful. I am so grateful for the people in my life.
One of my most favorite Valentine’s Day memories was spent with a group of friends I have been adopted in to thanks to my partner. They called is Palentine’s, and I have never forgotten it. We all got together, ate, played games, and laughed. This was probably 8 years ago or so. This year, I wanted to recreate it to the best of my abilities. We hosted, and it was amazing. People brought snacks and meals. We provided apps and a meal. Another couple brought cookies and a bunch of games.
We talked. We laughed. We ate and ate and ate. It was such a fulfilling evening. We also played this game Betrayal, which is super fun (and it’s also 50% off right now), 10/10. I love playing games with this group. Everyone is so patient. I ended up going first, and I immediately said, “What am I supposed to do?” I had no idea. J calmly explained my options, and we started. Everything about that night was healing. The support, the joy, the success in hosting.
The previous night, I had gone with my partner to his school’s happy hour function. We played Cards Against Humanity, which I haven’t played in ages. We laughed. We gagged. We had a great time.
It was like 14 of us playing. It was a lot. I was so proud of myself. I have come so far in the decade we’ve been together. I sat next to people. I talked. I engaged. I wasn’t glued to my partner. I felt comfortable and safe. Truly a night and day difference from when I was 25, and B and I had just met. I hid behind him for years until I’d feel safe enough to emerge. My head would pop up over his shoulder and then back down. My social anxiety was intense.
A week before, and my hiking buddy and I went out for our own happy hour. Pre-lockdown, we did this a couple times per month. We haven’t done it nearly as often since. I am still very anxious about getting COVID, and I trust no one. Truly. Ick. Normally, I opt to come home, and we make a snack and catch up here, but this Friday, I knew it was time to just relax into being out again. It was nice. I’d almost forgotten how much that time and the different settings has always meant in our relationship, which is founded on new things and adventure. This is someone I see multiple times per week some weeks. This isn’t necessarily as social engagement, but putting in the effort to go out and actually drink? Notable. I often feel like I’m one of 5 teachers out there that doesn’t drink on a regular basis.
This past weekend was also filled with social engagements, joy, and love. On Friday, my most favorite coworkers invited me to their happy hour. It was just the three of us, and it was perfect for me. I am not very comfortable in dive bars, but I knew I’d be safe with them. Our secretary is an 80 year old Sagittarius who will beat the snot out of anyone who looks at her wrong. Yes, she’s 5 feet thinking she’s a German Shepherd. I love her so much.
It was truly the most perfect evening. I felt for the first time in 3 years that I wasn’t an island in what is supposed to be a school community. I was seen and heard. I believed the words, “we love having you.” It was healing in such a unique way, and it was just as powerful as hosting our Palentine’s evening the previous weekend. The evening was like soul food. My heart was so full with happiness, acceptance, and love.
Making friends has always been hard for me. Growing up, I was that kid who had one friend. I would have been identified with anxiety and ADHD these days, but back in the 90s? Nah. It was a fend for yourself type of world.
To go from that history to having a handful of confidants and an even larger handful of friends and acquaintances feels monumental to me, and it is something that I want to remember for next winter, especially February: schedule playdates with people. Schedule time to be around those whose connection feels authentic and joyful. Don’t give into Anxiety’s lies about how you’re tolerated, not loved, not liked. People do enjoy having you around.
As the seasons progress, I know that I will slink back to baths (I totally dropped into the tub these last few Saturdays), my journals, and nature being what replenishes me after going, going, going, but for now, during this long, dark, cold winter, I will embrace the love and care of my friends.
How do your self-care practices change with the seasons? Have you noticed? Are there any major differences?
Wishing you well this week! May your life offer what you need in this moment.
With love,
Aventurine ✨