Love As Reciprocity
Tarot Chats: The Six of Pentacles
Reciprocity and reciprocal relationships are a theme that has been coming up often lately. I think people tend to see reciprocity in a very rigid, single-minded way, and I wonder what the world would look like if we expanded from the belief that reciprocity is the same as tit for tat.
In the tarot the card for reciprocity is the Six of Pentacles. I talked earlier this week about the Eight of Pentacles being a card of self devotion. The Six of Pentacles, to me, feels like a card that is a devotion to self boundaries and also to others and respecting their boundaries. It is a card that comes fairly often for me, and it was a card that came up for quite a few of the full moon readings I did in June.
In The Guardian of the Night Tarot, this card is represented by a water buffalo and an oxpecker. The Water Buffalo gives and gives, while the oxpecker takes to the point of literally drawing blood from the water buffalo. There is a message of reciprocity here where boundaries need to be spoken and followed. Not everything needs to be tit for tat, but we cannot always be giving. Sometimes we must receive as well.
What the water buffalo gains from this (sometimes) symbiotic relationship is a tick-free, or fairly close tick-free, existence. The oxpecker gets fed. It is a win-win, until the oxpecker starts taking from the water buffalo’s body and leaving gaping wounds.
At what point is the take so much more than the give that it is now a detriment to your well-being?
Reciprocity can be simple. It can just be the energetic exchange of a wave or smile. It can also be more complex when it comes to relationships, especially when there are power dynamics involved.
For instance, at work, I have a para who is Black, and I am white. I am the teacher, and she is the para. This is a potentional power dynamic issue when it comes to reciprocity, but due to mutual affection and respect for each other, we are able to have a healthy reciprocal relationship. Where I am able to help her out with scheduling, letters of rec, references, etc., her presence for me is one of comfort because I know I can trust her if I need to step out for a minute to use the bathroom, etc. I know that I can count on her to do the work, to take care of a harder child when others are avoidant. There is reciprocity, but it is not tit for tat. Instead, it is reciprocity based on mutual respect and general enjoyment of each other.
This does pose the question: if we did not like each other, is reciprocity possible, or does it just become tit for tat and a business exchange?
The Six of Pentacles can have an air of savior and superiority complex to it (much like in the Crow Tarot), and that is definitely a warning. As soon as you assign pride and ego to your doings in a relationship, you have lost the reciprocity, and you are back to power dynamics.
You will absolutely run into moments when you are the receiver, and you have very little if anything to give in return. I have been the recipient of food and clothes when I had only enough to pay for rent and my electric and internet bills. I had nothing material to give in return, but what I did have was love. I could reciprocate those material gestures with emotional space for this person. A hug, a thank you, a dinner shared, a hike together, time spent, and feelings heard and honored. Was this even close to what was paid monetarily to keep me from starving? No. Not at all, but it was enough because there was gratitude.
When I give to a friend, I don’t expect repayment. I am giving to that person as a sign of reciprocity. You care for me emotionally and spiritually. Let me care for you materially as I see you need it. It feels very uncomfortable to take when you can’t materially return the gesture, but more often than not, in healthy relationships, our love and care in return with gratitude is more than enough.
The Six of Pentacles in the Prisma Visions Tarot has an energy of gratitude. The tree is built within this relationship, and there is a symbiosis between the kids and the tree. Can the kids give the tree money in return? No, but they can give the energy of gratitude by giving the tree water, talking to it, and leaving an energetic offering. I have left notes of gratitude on compostable paper for trees where I have foraged their fruit.
Reciprocity is not tit for tat. It does not have to be you did this, so I will do something of the same or equal value in return. Instead, it is the basis of a healthy relationship where boundaries are heard and honored, love and care a shown mutually, but not always in the exact same way. It is a way to care for another person that meets their needs at the time, not our own egos.
How do you view reciprocity? If someone is not reciprocal, is that a deal breaker for you? How long of a chance do you give them to change their ways? What boundaries do you put up to keep yourself safe?
Wishing you well this week! May your life offer what you need in this moment.
With love,
Aventurine ✨