I am embarrassed to admit

that I've again fallen into White complacency

This love letter is an admission of guilt but also a call-in to myself and anyone else who needs it. During lockdown, I was completely engaged in doing the work. I was actively learning, donating, and delving deeper. I found people to follow whose work made a huge difference in my life and in my knowledge. I paid and learned and listened. I was writing to my reps and senators each month, and staying active in my political engagement.

In April of 2021, we went back to work here in Oregon, and I slipped. I slipped a little at first, and it is to the point that it is now January, 2025, and I am only just realizing how disconnected from everything I have been. If you are reading this, and you are realizing this about yourself too, let’s get back at it. I don’t want to say “don’t feel guilty” or whatever. I want to say, we don’t have time to sit in shame and guilty. We have to think about and act upon what will actually help. And as much as self admonishment feels good, it isn’t helpful.

Now is the time to re-up your donation, read and reread those life changing books. Actually sit with what is happening, and learn about the resources in your community that you can support. Also, think about your community.

10/10 book for love and community and building more intimate relationships.

What does community mean to you, especially if you’re like me: a white woman?

I am a white woman who did not grow up with community. Instead, I was exiled from what should have been my school community, etc. What I learned about community as a kid was that it is exclusive. I now understand (and am actively unlearning and relearning) that exclusive community is really a white thing. To be exclusive is white supremacy at work. So… how have I worked on this? I’ve read. I’ve listened. I’ve talked. I’ve processed. I’ve reframed. How can you work on this if you have also been burned by the communities you were told would hold you?

Just this weekend, after 7 years of pretty deep healing and work, it really dawned on me that my friends are my community. I had to take the word community out of the macro and being it down to the micro. Community is large, but it can also be small. If you also have that stranger danger FLIGHT or FREEZE mechanism in your brain, start with your small community: the people you feel safest with.

I realized that my friends from my last job are my community. If I needed something in a pinch, they would help me figure it out.

Then I realized that the friends I have inherited from a decade with my partner are ALSO my community. Would I ever ask them for resource help? Probably not. I would ask my old coworkers first because they’re much closer to family. But, these are the people that I can and will go to for political postcard writing, lobbying day for the district down in Salem, and so much more. These are the people I can rely on to connect me with others in the larger community.

These friends are community. It has taken me far too long to see that. In order to see it, I had to really pare down my definition of community.

So, now what? What can we do? What should we do? I already said no wallowing. Instead, just like you would make a voting plan, make an intentional plan of action.

Here’s my current plan:

1. Write a Substack to hold myself accountable (and maybe inspire others?)

2. Organize a letter-writing gathering with my friends, my community.

   1. Invite many friends

   2. Provide snacks

3. Attend lobbying day down in Salem to fight for teacher and student rights!

4. Contact the union and see what I can personally do to help get the right people on the school board.

5. Talk to my partner about becoming a food deliverer for MCK on Saturdays.

6. Host more gatherings like game and dinner nights so we aren’t so alone in these scary times.

7. Buy a meal for one of the homeless folks standing outside of WINCO each week. $12.55/week is manageable.

8. Get up the courage to expand myself into community in a more macro sense.

This isn’t all I am going to do, but it is also only day 3 of this reign of terror. It is only day 3 of the dictatorship. I am working on being intentional instead of being reactive. On Tuesday, I was a mess. I wanted to do everything right there and then, but obviously that’s not possible. This is a long game, and it requires a long strategy of intentionality.

I have gained about 20 subscribers this month: WELCOME! Thank you so much for being here. If you are new here, and this love letter seems abrasive and not what you expected, I do throw in politics from time to time. I will still be writing about spirituality, but politics and spirituality have always been linked for me.

How are you all feeling? How are we holding up? Is there anything on my list that is inspiring you, or is there something that you think I should add to my list? You know I’m all ears!

Wishing you well this week! May your life offer what you need in this moment.

With love,

Aventurine ✨