Ending the Codependency of Misery

Lunar Eclipse Intentions

💖 Before jumping into this post, I just wanted to take a minute to let you know that this love letter contains affiliate links, and if you make a purchase using the links, I can make a small commission. Thanks a million 💖

In the past, I have not been the biggest observer of eclipses and moon phases. I’ve often tried, but like many things combined with an ADHD brain that lacks a lot of executive functioning skills (task initiation and completion to be exact), I would stop or just straight up forget. This eclipse season for some reason feels big, important, and worth noticing/working with. I am not sure why. It might be because I am more in tune and routined with my spiritual practices. Maybe it’s because I’m actually really ready to shed, or put an end to, some of these old cycles.

Transformation and release have been coming up a lot for me. There are many things that I need to release, but the codependency of misery is especially prevalent for me right now.

Misery is something I have long lived with. I have been a miserable person for a long time. I have grown out of the daily rut of hating every single thing in life and picking it apart. This was (and still sometimes is) a coping mechanism that has kept me safe, has kept people out, and has been my go-to shield. For the last 9 years or so, I have really worked hard on getting out of that, on saving those moments for at home, for with people I know who love and understand me rather than spreading it out to everyone just living their lives in the world. Do I always succeed? No. I am far more intentional about the energy that comes rolling off me these days.

Where misery appears in my life these days is in a coworker that I work with closely every single day and who will call me and not get off the phone for 2-4 hours just bitching, bitching, bitching. It is exhausting.

Her misery looks like sucking the joy out of everything if she is in a bad mood, stressed, tired, triggered, etc. She will withhold rewards from kids who have earned it, or rain on people’s parades, or belittle accomplishments all because she is in a foul mood. I dealt with this all on Friday, and I was raging by the time I got home because how dare she try to take away a kid’s chance at birthday cupcakes because she didn’t want to deal with sugar highs. I am the teacher in the room. I passed them out with a smile and sang our bubs happy birthday.

Friday was a day where I fought through the tendency towards codependency. Normally, I fall all over myself trying to keep the kids quiet or tidy enough, trying to keep activities to something she would approve of, and all this other nonsense because I am triggered from her misery. I grew up with my dad ruining everyone’s lives because it was too hot, too cold, too rainy, too dry, or he overslept, or he lost his keys.

This coworker’s moods trigger me into codependency. They trigger me back into the little girl who tried so hard her entire life to fix everything and prepare everything so her daddy wouldn’t scream at and belittle everyone because he couldn’t control the weather, or there were consequences to his own actions and choices. I immediately start walking on eggshells trying to appease, trying to stay safe.

Why am I writing this? What does this have to do with this eclipse?

Under this eclipse, this close of a two year cycle (exactly how long I’ve known this coworker), I am releasing this need to fall into codependency for miserable people, for people who choose to find misery in everything, who purposefully suck the joy out of everyone to make everyone miserable with them. I release codependency this cycle. I remind my inner child that I will keep her safe. We are no longer in harm’s way because of elders’ temper tantrums. Thank you for protecting me all of these years, but I can take the wheel now. Rest and play freely knowing you are loved and protected.

This is harder than it sounds, but I am giving myself grace. I am trying again and again until I get it right. Perfectionism is not needed here, only progress and effort. Small moments like passing out cupcakes and singing with love and a smile on my face to make sure one of my bubs feels seen and loved and cared for, or letting the phone call go to voicemail are enough for now so long as I continue to grow and build.

What are you releasing or working on during this eclipse?

Wishing you well this week! May your life offer what you need in this moment.

With love,

Aventurine ✨