Cancer New Moon
Sacred Space, Forgiveness, Divine Masculinity
Happy New Moon in Cancer! I am sitting here deep in gratitude for all I have, especially as we are in an extreme heatwave. I am grateful for the safety and access to safety that I have. I hope wherever you are, you are also experiencing and have access to safe spaces.
Cancer Season is always a little bit of a roller coaster for me. I call it my summer depression season. I end up lounging and sleeping and feeling general malaise and apathy for the world and myself. This season hasn’t been any different, and I am finding myself clawing to get back to feeling grounded rather than wishy washy.
One thing that is coming up for me recently is the Three of Swords, but in reverse. This photo is a mistake and should be reversed, but use your imaginations. The Three of Swords reversed is a message of forgiveness to me. Forgiveness is not something that I am good at, nor is it something that comes easily to me. I mean, I have a Scorpio stellium after all. I keep receiving this message though, and I always read it as releasing the weapons (words or actions) so that the wounds can finally heal. Again, this isn’t my forte, but it is something that I am trying to work on. I feel like the hardest part of forgiveness for me is when the expected change in behavior just doesn’t come. Then what?
Sacred space is something that I have been cultivating for years. My apartment is the safest, most sacred space I have ever had in my life. The idea of leaving that hurts, and it hurts a lot. That’s not something that is easily explained when you are being offered a whole ass house to live in with another, but the idea of leaving a completely cultivated by me space? Terrifying. I have been there for almost 4 years, and it took me about 18 months to create such safety and magic within my home.
This picture above is not of home, but instead of part of the tiny room I may be trying to turn into my new sacred space. Immediately, the walls need to be painted, but I am trying. Rather than having it feel and look like a hoarder space, I spent the time today organizing and cleaning it. I have a little altar set up on the bedside table that I am using as a desk. I don’t hate it. I am actually quite proud of it. I love that I have art from my friends, from artists I admire, and art with words that have meaning to me.
I do not expect myself to be able to achieve that feeling of complete safety, nor to be able to access my magic immediately, but I also don’t want to set myself up for failure immediately. I can put in the effort and start cultivating having a safe space away from home where I can write Substacks, create spreads, create portals, make reels, and pull cards.
Sacred spaces come from love, intention, and the will to make it such. One thing that I love about being home is the clarity of thought that I have for my to do list, my want to do list, and my future dreaming lists. I love how free I feel using my journals and decks there. My apartment is my first home to myself and by myself. It is a level of freedom that I had never had before, and one that I am afraid to lose.
The number 444 has been following me since I moved into my apartment in October 2020. It is a number of foundation, ritual, routine. As you can see in the cards above, Hekate has given me 444 within the Crystal Spirits cards I pulled. This number for me is a reminder to set the stage, set the foundation for good routines, rhythms, and habits. I truly believe that is part of why my home feels so magical, like such a portal to the divine to me: I set the foundation, the intention of it being exactly that: a sacred space.
Can I forgive myself if I leave?
One additional thing about home is that it is a fully feminine space. I have cultivated it to be hyper feminine because that is the energy that feels good to me. I have talked about this before, but I don’t fuck with the divine masculine or really masculine energy at all aside from my current partners, and even they are fairly in touch with the femme, even if they aren’t aware of it.
Since Saturn has gone into retrograde though, I have been noticing a huge shift in the messages I have been getting. They have been far more centered on the masculine aspect of things, and I am not sure what to make of that. Am I supposed to balance my energy out or is this masculine energy coming as a warning against those with a strong masculine shadow?
The Black Moon Lilith Cosmic Alchemy Oracle Deck gave me the card above (this deck is 10/10 btw), and it also gave me Saturn and Adam. The divine masculine energy in my cards is strong this new moon, and normally that just isn’t the case. I am not sure if it’s because we have Saturn, Pluto, and Neptune in retro, or if it is just time.
One breakthrough that I have had in the quick 9 or so hours is that setting limits and boundaries and self-advocacy are all highly masculine energies, and they are things that I have been working on extra hard over the last couple of weeks… even when it makes me want to throw up from anxiety. Which is every time. Masculine energy is not inherently bad, but I am not ready to join any Christ Consciousness cults yet. I am still healing those wounds with Mama Mary and forgiving myself for how flippant and rude I was as a teenager to those in my life who prayed to her.
This has a been a long love letter, but I have been heavy in processing and grief. Thank you for sharing this space with me. I appreciate you. What are your plans for the new moon? What decks are you currently enjoying? What does sacred space look, sound, feel, and smell like to you?
Wishing you well this week! May your life offer what you need in this moment.
With love,
Aventurine ✨
I completely get everything you have said! Forgiveness is tough! In the last 18 months I have ‘forgiven’ my sister but actually she hasn’t changed and I don’t know how to deal with that.
Sacred space is so important! Finally I have mine, I knew it was the place I needed to be the first time I viewed it. However I do also think that part of what makes a space sacred is what you bring to it. You’ll find your sacred space wherever you need it 💜
I have just bought a new Oracle Deck called The Rooted Woman by Sharon Blackie. I have read a few of her books and she is amazing, the deck is intriguing. I think my Tarot deck is annoyed though because all I have been getting lately is the 3, 9 and 10 of swords!