A Call for Authenticity
Rosary Reflections
Many, many moons ago, I did a series on the rosary mysteries (1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I still pray my rosary daily. The tl;dr is that I decided to try and connect with Mary as a way to help heal some of the internalized misogyny within myself. That started in 2023. We’re now in 2025. In February, it will be 2 years of praying my rosary (almost) daily.
I have written specifically about each of the mysteries, and in particular the decade for “Finding at the Temple.” I am wanting to revisit this again because as I was cooking and praying the other day, I realized an even deeper layer of this decade for myself.
In the Joyous Mysteries, Finding at the Temple is my favorite part. Up until the last couple of weeks, I mainly saw it as a way back to the Divine Feminine, back to truth, back to the whole story, not just the patriarchal one. Then, as I was cooking, preparing to host family, I realized that it is so much more than just that. It is a call to authenticity.
How?
Finding at the Temple is when Jesus has been missing for like 3 days. He’s been in the temples talking and debating with the rabbis, and Mary finally finds him. She pulls him back to her care, to her love, to her truth: wholeness. She brings him home to the authenticity of love and heart-center rather than just logic, money, and debate.
Within this, there is a call to authenticity, a plea to not shrink down to the status quo.
As I prayed that day, I was overcome with this message of authenticity. I am becoming more authentic in the way that I speak. Not that I was lying before, but I would say what would keep me safe, included, etc. especially for family. I realized that I’ve begun saying I love you a lot less to my family because it feels so inauthentic. It’s not that I don’t care about my family, but they disregard me so often that I don’t feel loved, and I have learned to sort of shut off that need and desire for their love. I will take care of them as they need me, but that feeling of dutiful familial love as left my heart and body.
I rarely say it to my mom, which I know hurts her. I haven’t told my dad I love him in like 15 years. I don’t say it to my grandparents or aunts or cousin. At first, I was taken aback by this realization and tried to punish myself, tried to shame myself, but I felt no shame. Instead, I felt authentic for the first time in a long time. I tell the people I love that I love them. I tell my friends, my partner, my loved ones that I love them, that I see them, that I am here for them, that they have my support indefinitely.
I am not sure if the rosary has taught me this authenticity, if I have healed a bit and let go of that need to be loved by people who so obviously can’t love me because I’m just another girl (we’re a very woman dominated family), if I have just gotten older and matured. What I do know is that prayer opened up that truth to me, and I am grateful.
I finished this book last week, and it was amazing. I definitely recommend it, and I recommend reading her other memoir The Dance of the Dissident Daughter. I truly enjoyed both books, but what I love about Traveling with Pomegranates is the journey back to Mary. I found it very similar to mine. Both Sue and Ann’s journeys with prayer grounded me at a time where I have not been active with my spirituality in weeks. It was a beautiful reminder of the power of asking for guidance, not just repeating words. The intentionality of their writing, of their requests, of their reflection relit the light within me, and I am ready to move forward with my spiritual practice in 2025.
I am grateful for the intuitive push to read this book, for the clarity that is coming from repetitive prayer, from my form of meditation because silencing my mind doesn’t work.
Shameless plug: I am still taking sign ups for Group Coaching for January. We are focusing on goal alignment over on Discord. There is also still time to sign up for a New Year Reading and/or a New Moon Reading.
What is your current relationship with prayer or meditation? Have you found it helpful? Have you received clarity? I’d love to hear below!
Wishing you well this week! May your life offer what you need in this moment.
With love,
Aventurine ✨
I love that you are feeling more authentic 💜 I get what you are saying, it’s not about lying before but it’s about growing in to the you that has always been there!
I’ve said before that I love being in my 40’s and part of that is being more authentic. It’s not that I don’t care what people think of me anymore but I care a lot less about what certain people think of me.
Towards the end of last year I started to learn about centering prayer and I'm looking forward to trying it. I'm reading about it, contemplating doing it, but haven't actually started lol. I love reading about your journey to authenticity, it feels like this is a theme that is coming up for me too. Especially around the ways I show up trying to please everyone else. It feels as if that way of being is no longer acceptable to me and honestly it scares me a little because I've been like this my whole life, but I know the people who love me will stick around.